'AITA for not deplaning with my husband after he was kicked off for being too wasted?'
In theory, you wanna stick by your partner no matter what goes down, but reality is a lot more complex.
In a popular post on the AITA subreddit, a woman asked if she was wrong for not deplaning with her husband when he was too wasted to board. She wrote:
"AITA for not deplaning with my husband after he was kicked off for being too wasted?"
I 28f recently married my husband Adam 30m. We are the same ethnicity and both speak our language, however I am more fluent as I go to our home country more often as my extended family are there and it’s was just my parents, me and my sisters here.
Adam’s grandparents are the ones who came to our country first so he has most of his family here and we see them more often, so I am close with his family. My parents are divorced, and around the time I started dating Adam, my dad moved back to our home country. I regularly call him, but since he moved he has come to see me twice and then was at my wedding.
My dad disapproves of Adam and I have had fights with Adam in the past about how I feel I have made more of an effort with his family, and he hasn’t done the same for me. Both my parents speak our home language and when we started dating Adam wasn’t conversationally fluent so there was a barrier to them initially bonding.
It was more apparent when my dad came to stay with us but in the lead up to the wedding, my dad stayed with us and it went fine. I have been planing a trip to my home country to surprise my dad and asked Adam to come as well. He agreed and then balked when I said we were going to stay with my dad and made what I thought was a joke about having to drink before meeting him.
I didn’t find it funny and Adam later apologised. However yesterday was our flight and I was coming to the airport after work so Adam went early with our suitcases to check in and we were mean to meet up later. He was dr*nk and the flight attendant wouldn’t let him on the plane.
I called my BIL who could take care of Adam and left my BIL’s phone number with the attendant taking care of Adam and I stayed on my flight. My home country is far so tickets are expensive, and I took leave off from work for the trip so I don’t get off with Adam.
Adam is now upset with me, saying I left him in a situation where he was dr*nk and if roles were reversed he would have never left me alone when I was dr*nk but I don’t think that is fair.
Commenters had a lot of questions and thoughts about the scenario.
saintandvillain wrote:
NTA. This man deliberately tried to ruin your time with your father because your father doesn’t think highly of him. Let me guess, your father picked up on Adam being immature, spiteful, selfish, and poor mannered. You need to ask yourself what someone who would do this to spite you brings to the table and why you stay with him.
cadaloz1 wrote:
Bingo. A very clumsy attempt at sabotage right there. NTA.
MonPetitChat13 wrote:
Yes, sabotage. It reminds me of that man who had a new wife, and she kept sabotaging his plans to go see his children (older, possibly grown). He decided to leave her behind and board without her because she waited until 10 minutes before the flight and said she must have a Starclucks before boarding.
singingkiltmygrandma wrote:
NTA Is he always this manipulative? He planned to get dr*nk and probably knew they wouldn’t let him on the flight for that reason. He weasled his way out of the trip then gaslighted you and said you were at fault. He’s a grown man, doesn’t he know when he’s getting dr*nk?
Of course he does. You didn’t leave him totally alone, as you called for your BIL. A dr*nk man alone is different and imo less vulnerable than a dr*nk woman alone, anyway. Good luck with this marriage.
OldestCrone wrote:
Adding on to this, I am loathe to say this, but you might want to take some time to reflect upon his past behavior. If this type of behavior has occurred before, you may want to reconsider your marriage before you have children or your finances are too interwoven. This behavior is inexcusable.
girlyfoodadventures wrote:
How drunk was this man?? Planes are not a DUI checkpoint, they will let very tipsy people onto them. For him to be so drunk that he wasn't allowed to board? That must have been a project. How long were y'all apart? Was he just hammering shots? I think that this is either an alcohol problem you didn't know about, an intentional ploy to ruin or get out of the trip, or both. NTA at ALL.
fallingintopolkadots wrote:
NTA. Adam is an adult and should, at this point in his life, know how much alcohol he can drink to get tipsy but not totally smashed. He's old enough to know how you should act on a plane. If this were a small trip that wasn't at a great cost, time suck, and required to take time off of work, I'd say sure it'd be good to stay with him. But in this situation?
Hello, no. He knew there was a long flight ahead, that tickets had been expensive, and that the plan was to visit your family. "Sorry, Dad, I couldn't make the flight because my husband, who you already don't really like, got SO drunk they wouldn't allow him on the plane." No.
BeautifullIsland39 wrote:
I get nervous flying and part of my pre-flying routine is having a beer to relax and forget we’re in a metal tube filled with combustible 30k feet in the air (don’t come at me, this is how I cope). One time it was raining and cloudy and I knew I was in for a rough take off and probably a flight, so I had a little more than my customary beer.
I was tipsy, jamming to the music on my headphones and smiling like an idiot to everyone. I had no issues getting into the plane. Can’t imagine how drunk your husband had to be denied boarding. He probably noticed that he was passing the realm between buzzed, tipsy and drunk and did not stop.
Plane tickets are not cheap and the logistics of having to change your trip to accommodate an immature adult is not something you should have to do. Obviously NTA.
Cherry_clafoutis wrote:
I kind of wonder if it was deliberate. Adam expected OP to be booted off the flight with him and oh noooooo, it is too expensive to visit dad for a few more years. Regardless, getting drunk at an airport in your home city is not anymore unsafe than getting drunk at a pub in your home city.
OP organised BIL to collect him and had reasonable expectation of of him being safe under the supervision of the flight attendant until BIL arrived. The husband ought to be apologising profusely to OP and deeply embarrassed.
I would feel terrible and mortified if my drunken behaviour nearly put a stop to a much anticipated, expensive trip for my husband. Instead he is doubling down which makes me cynical about his motives for getting drunk. NTA.
One thing is crystal clear from the comments: OP is NTA here.